Sunday, January 31, 2016

Starting all over again ...


Starting all over again is going to be rough
For us, but we're going to make it
Starting all over as friends is going to be tough
On us, but we gotta face it

We lost what we had, that what hurt us so bad
Set us back a thousand years
But we're going to make it up though I know it's gonna be tough
To erase the hurt and fears

Oh, starting all over again is going to be hard
But I pray to the Lord to help us make it
Starting all over again is going to slow
But we both know, we gonna make it

We gotta take life as it comes
Never fuss about it, what's right or wrong
It's an uphill climb, to the finish line
We gonna try, we gonna try, just one more time


Starting all over again is going to be hard
On us, but we can make it
Starting all over as friends is going be tough
We both know, but we gonna make it

We gotta take life as it comes
Don't make any fuss about it, what's right or wrong
We're gonna make it up, though I know it's gonna be rough
To erase the hurt and fears

Oh, starting all over again is going to be rough
For us, but we're going to make it
Starting all over as friends is going to be tough
On us, but we got to face it


- Israel (Iz) Kamakawiwo'ole 


Sunday, January 24, 2016

Longer than a day

Cleaning house with The Eagles. Appreciating all that I have. 

I was walking home from my local 24 hour grocery store late last night and saw a man sitting in a wheelchair under a blanket (remember how cold it was last night ?). Everything he owned was within a 2 foot radius. Everything. 

No I don't have the big fancy house (anymore). 
No I don't have an endless bank account. 
No I can't pack up and fly to Hawaii at the drop of a hat.  

We get these little reminders at the perfect moments in our lives. The problem is remembering them for longer then it's takes to mention how much traffic sucks. 

No matter who your "higher power" is take a moment to thank him/her/it. 

Now back to cleaning. Geeze how I hate to clean. 

Oh ... Never mind.

Peace 

Sunday, January 10, 2016

If only we knew ...

Our love affair is bitter sweet
Insecure and incomplete
And I've often wondered why your leaving's been so long delayed
It's all become so complicated
Maybe you feel obligated
And out of simpathy for me you stay
But I had rather live alone
Than live with someone who doesn't love me
And I'd rather have you go than stay
And put me down a thinkin' you're above me
Our love affair is so wound up
It's best that we unwind
And if you don't love me, leave me
And don't let it trouble your mind

You've waited much too long to leave afraid of how I'd take it
And I'm deeply touched by your concern but I think I can make it
It won't be easy for a while but I'll forget in time
And if you don't love me, leave me and don't let it trouble your mind

I had rather live alone
Than live with someone who doesn't love me
And I'd rather have you go than stay
And put me down a-thinkin' you're above me
Our love affair is so wound up
It's best that we unwind
And if you don't love me, leave me
And don't let it trouble your mind


- Dolly Parton 

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Obsession

"How I Became The Bomb" is my new obsession, or more specific their single "Ulay, Oh". I fell down the internet rabbit hole the other day. You know how it is … you start looking for stores that sell crochet needles and end up looking at videos of surfing dogs. Anyway. I found myself on YouTube looking at a performance piece by Marina Abramović. The clip shows her having a surprise encounter with former lover and fellow artist Uwe Laysiepen after decades apart. I watched the video at least 4 times in a row. The music haunted me. So of course I had to purchase it as well as look up the lyrics. 
There she was like a picture.
There she was, she was just the same.
There she was; he just had to know that she had forgot his name.
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
Thinking back to the last time.
On the wall as they turned away.
Walking back; was it just a dream or did he hear her say?
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
Trying his best to forget her.
Trying his best to just keep his stride.
Kept his word, but he knows he heard
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
There she was like a picture.
There she was, she was just the same.
There she was; he just had to know she had not forgot his name.
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
There he was like his picture.
There he was; he was just the same.
There he was. He could never know she could never give his name.
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
Thinking back to the last time.
On the wall as he turned away.
Turning back, did he even know?
Did he ever hear her say
Ulay, Ulay, Oh?
Trying her best to foget him.
Trying her best just to keep her stride.
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.
There they were like the picture.
There they were, they were just the same.
There they were, but he walked away and her eyes could only say
Ulay, Ulay, Oh.

Obsession comes in many forms. Good and bad. Sad and happy. But most of the time is happens in a form that cannot be understood. 

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Really ???

I've been hearing voices for a while now as I walk out of my building.

Sometimes melancholy … 

"Wish you were here"

"I miss you"

"Do you miss me?"

Sometimes thoughtful …

"I'd be surprisingly good for you"

"You and me … we made a good team"

"Trust me"

But recently just downright rude ...

"Hey porky!"

"Whoa … when are you due?" 

"HEY, save some food for the rest of us"

Then I noticed who was saying it … 

Gym

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Possibilities ...

Can ex's continue to be friends?
Is is healthy? Or does it stop you from moving on? 

Having a relationship with an ex is hard. If not close to impossible. 
What do you tell him? What do you ask him? Is anything off limits? And when he tells you something do you believe it, history tells you no. You really want compliment the new furniture, the paint. The funny thing is … the new 60's style decor was never his style. Now it overflows from every room. 

When you have dinner with your best friend nothing is off limits. But the rules change when you dine with the ex. If you ask about money … are you meddling? 

When you ask a BFF if they are dating you really want to know. And if they are you are happy for them. But if the ex is dating you feel replaced. Of course you want them to be happy. 

But could he at least wait until you are?

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

We've all had bad days ...





I've had a headache for the past two days. It's been really cold here in Los Angeles and I've had to turn the heater on. I had to say good-bye to my 15 year-old cat Squeaky last month. I had to say good-bye to my basset hound Bruce 2 years ago. My partner and I of 16 years broke up 3 years ago. My best friend died of cancer, my grandmother died and I got bullied so bad every day of my senior year of high school that I dropped out. 

These are all things that happen to every one of us, give or take. We deal with them. We don't like it but we deal. Can you imagine waking up every morning in a body that wasn't yours? Every day wondering what it would be like to be … to need to be somebody else? So uncomfortable in your own skin that not taking your life was a daily battle? I can't. 

From Towleroad.com

Leelah took her own life on Sunday morning, stepping in front of a semi truck on Interstate 71. Leelah realized she was transgender when she was 14. Though she sought support from family, she received none. She posted a haunting suicide note to her Tumblr page, imploring parents not to react negatively if their child comes out as transgender, writing,

"Even if you are Christian or are against transgender people don’t ever say [to someone that they are wrong], especially your kid. That won’t do anything but make them hate them self. That’s exactly what it did to me." For Alcorn, the situation sadly felt hopeless:
Either I live the rest of my life as a lonely man who wishes he were a woman or I live my life as a lonelier woman who hates herself. There’s no winning. There’s no way out. I’m sad enough already, I don’t need my life to get any worse. People say “it gets better” but that isn’t true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse. 

Alcorn ended her note with a call to action, imploring society to stop ignoring the struggles faced by trans youth:

The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren’t treated the way I was, they’re treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something. My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year. I want someone to look at that number and say “that’s fucked up” and fix it. Fix society. Please.

I know first hand what it's like to live in pain. In constant fear of not being accepted. In constant fear of not being able to be myself. But I was (am) lucky. Lucky to have loving, caring family and friends. People who accepted me for who I am. People I could turn to for help. For advise. Or just somebody to talk to. My heart truly aches for Leelah. I hurt for her because she had no one to turn to. No one that would listen to her. No one to hear her cries for help.

My heart hurts for society as well. What have we lost? The poems and wisdom of another Maya Angelou? The acting talents of another Meryl Streep? A political powerhouse of another Hillary Clinton? The medical brain of Marie Curie?

Sadly we will never know.

The Daily Puppy